


Saying your name

by SomeSadHomelessPerson



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Awesome Clint Barton, Bucky Barnes & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Bucky Barnes Feels, Child Abuse, Creepy Alexander Pierce, Creepy Brock Rumlow, Daddy Issues, Deaf Clint Barton, Drugs, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Is Alive, F/F, F/M, I write like a five year old, It's gonna take a while and stucky is like dead so sorry, Like i dont want to tag all the drug use stuff so there, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki (Marvel) is Not Amused, Loki needs friends, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Panic Attacks, Please Don't Hate Me, Protective Bruce Banner, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Sam Wilson, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Thor (Marvel), Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Started writing before endgame and still writing long after, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Steve can be an ass some times, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Teenage Drama, Thor is the best brother, Tony Has Issues, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, sometimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 05:49:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19882648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSadHomelessPerson/pseuds/SomeSadHomelessPerson
Summary: Life is a little complicated when you have a metal arm, a creepy ex who won't leave you alone, and friends who used to be enemy's. Not to mention you still have enemy's.Or, Bucky and steve slow burn and Loki and Tony have even slooower slow burn.-(Perviously named HIGHSCHOOL, unoriginal so I changed it to something that I like)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "Saying Your Names"  
>  — Richard Siken  
> "I do believe his mouth is heaven, his kisses falling over me like stars."  
> \----  
> Yep I'm baaack, and it's not fun. So to anyone wondering I'm revamping the chapters I've written and posted (cause as stated I write like a 5 year old but now I'm at least 7) 
> 
> I'm currently working on a much later chapter and would like you all to know that more is coming!
> 
> I would also like you all to please take a moment to go over the tags near the middle and notice how many warnings there are, some are much less used in this specific bench if the story, but Suicide, Abuse, and any eating disorder is used as a theme and graphical describe in later chapters. Please know that as I am revamping the story I will also be trying my hardest to remember to add a trigger warning at the beginning and a summary near the end. Thank you for reading this fic and I hope you get atleats a little enjoyment.

The laptop screen was bright from where he sat, board and tired, but over all anxious.

He was re reading for the tenth time an essay due tomorrow. And news flash it was perfect. Another news flash, it needed to be more than perfect for mr. Thanos so he was in a panic he had written the whole thing several weeks ago so he was slightly confused why his head would force him to think so hard about it today. He typed away, making an effort to stay on topic and not drift into sleep. When his phone goes off.

**Stupid face loser squad**

_Birdboi_ : bitches it time to make some good old tea

 _Nattythebadie_ : wtf sam

 _Bowboi_ : omg name buddys

 _Nattythebadie_ : guys it 3 am

 _Nattythebadie_ : go back to sleep

 _Birdboi_ : bold of you to assume I've slept

 _Bowboi_ : buck we know where you live

 _Fuckiebarns_ : bitch bold of you to assume I live

 _Nattythebadie_ : go to sleep bucky, unlike sam and Clint I have keys to your home

 _Nattythebadie_ : watch out

 _Fuckiebarns_ : wtf man

 _Fuckiebarns_ : what did I do?

 _Nattythebadie_ : S L E E P

He slowly turned his phone off, turning back to his charger plugging it in and turning back to his laptop. Typing away with his earbuds in, he didn't notice the door opening until a stuffed bear flew at him.

He paused his music And looked up.it was only his mother. But she had the same look on her face the last time he got caught re doing assignments. "It 4 am James go to bed" she says softly, but Bucky knew better than to take it less than a command. "Ma I just need to finish this essay" he stated, she just rolled her eyes. "James, if anything is bothering you.." she paused, making her way to his side, slowly sliding her hand down his metal arm "you can tell me." She continued.

He just nods.

She then sighs. Sitting down next to him. "Who's class?" She asks "mr. Thanos" he says slightly more drowsy than intended. "Isn't he the rude one?" she asked. Buck smirked and nodded. "Well if he gives you anything under a D I can sue him." she says "not to mention the things he's said to you"she said a little quieter "he's said stuff to you too" buck says, feeling a little more bad not that they started talking if the most asshole teacher on the staff.

"Well as I said" she said standing with a smile "I can sue. And you can talk to me If anything's messing with you" she said then thinks for a few seconds. Suddenly getting the face where she suddenly remembers something "oh Yes, you have therapy Every Monday. Oh and also you have been permitted 5 mental health days"she then takes her leave saying a quick "good night and sleep" befor she shut the door.

She was right after all. No matter what he did he had to sleep at least a little. He shuts his laptop, slipping it near the charger, then getting up to stretch, walking to his closet, he pushed aside many clothing items for summer, short sleeves and short shorts. Till the winter came along, he's allowed to wear long sleeves while it hot out. Everyone does.

He picks up a black sweater, two sizes to big, and some ripped up skinny Jeans. He places the outfit on his bed, then goes to his sock drawer, normal lemon socks.no ones gonna see em anyways.he puts his combat boots next to the door, then he finally simply sits down on the side of the bed.

Hes never been good at sleeping, he only needed about an hour to two, over the weekend he sleeps from 8 at night to 11 in the morning. So his body has a generally normal sleep schedule.

He sighs knowing it one of these days. he's gonna have a meltdown. Which sucks. He doesn't want to already use a metal health day, hes literally two weeks away from spring break. Why does his body hate him so.

He takes a deep breath suddenly feeling queasy. Thinking about his body made him always feel that way. He hates it.

He hates himself.

He silently made his way to the bathroom feeling worried about his appearance, checking the clock it read 4:20, he could just get ready early.

Turning the shower to freezing cold he, hopes in. Taking his time to scrub every last inch of him, avoiding looking at some body parts feeling disgusted with many parts of his body. He always thought I can scrub away the grim but the feeling of dirt never left him. Every day, everywhere, he felt dirty, and he felt like everyone saw it.

●°●°●°●

"So am I just a joke to you now?" Natasha asked, somehow sounding convincingly offended. "Yes Nat, your a joke to us. Now sit down" Sam said completely sarcastically.

Sam sat at the wheel, stopped at a stop sign, Clint in the passenger, then bucky and natasha in the back, Sam's parents trust him enough to let him drive there convertible. Big mistake.

They were currently on there way to McDonalds at 6 am, school doesn't start till 7:30 and McDonalds is always on the way.

"Hey cupid, you want a coffee?"sam asked, pointed toward clint. Which he nodded too. "Can I get a chicken biscuit?" Bucky asked, smiling at sam with the pitiful eyes. "How many hash browns?" Sam asked. "3?" Bucky said, it came out more of a question though.

"No buck." Sam said sternly.

"Fuck you! no more head!" Bucky yells.

"Buck we haven't had head scene freshman year"

"1 year big deal!" "I was confused!" Sam yelled back. "Ladys shut up and get food" Natasha said, sounding annoyed, but looking amused.

"Sweet Cheeks I'll pay this morning." Bucky said leaning back on the leather seat, pulling his wallet out just as they pull up to the drive thru.

•°•°•°

"I'm telling you this is the stupidest idea ever. I'm not going camping with you losers." Tony states as he parks in the school parking lot, the one near the main building.

"Tony I just got back for S.H.I.E.L.D And you don't even want to hang out with me?" Steve said, sounding a little hurt.

"can't we just all stay over at Thor's place, his parents are out and the one sibling he has, she moved out." Brucr said thinking out loud. "Maybe, but I was really looking forward to camping" steve said a little disappointed.

"We should throw a party!" Tony said with a big smile. "Thors not here to tell us if we can or not, so don't get excited" banner said slightly annoyed at Tony's behavior.

•°•°•°

"Valk I don't know, you know me and relationships" thor says. Feeling abnormally scared

"don't sweat it dude, it just a girl" she says, thor thinking 'yeah I vary pretty girl'

"As I've said countless times" she says shoving him toward Jane a little,"go with the flow and don't do anything stupid" "but when I go with the flow I am stupid." Valkyrie just glared "shut up" she said coldly.


	2. Chapter 2

Peter made his way through the school, looking confused at the doors, scared to ask directions.

As he walked past the cafeteria, he observed how many kids were sitting around eating with. Friends. He already missed his friends back home.

His thoughts wondered as he walked past, only to run into someone, that someone was obviously taller than him.

He backed up a little, looking up and apologizing. The make was tall and dark skinned, his smile was big and welcoming.

"Hi, uhmm… do you know where the office is?" Peter asked a little to quietly. "OH, Tasha Clint, We have a new kid!" said the man he ran into said, looking over to the girl he assumed was Tasha and a shorter male shi he thought was clint.

"Bucks the mom tell him." she said still smirking, she now pulled out her phone, the tall male sighed. "Sadly kid I haven't been there since the last time I got caught receiving head in the bathrooms." he wasn't even embarrassed. "By me!" Said another voice right behind him, the taller male stepped aside, bowing with his hands doing a slight motion of after you.

"Its only 1 year sammy, your not a loser yet?" the male spoke, he was shorter than the tall male, whose name peter assumed was sammy or sam, but still taller than Peter, he had shoulder length hair, and blue gray eyes they looked oddly darkened. He wore a black sweater and some skinny Jeans, some nice old combat boots too.

The new god of grunge in Peter's eyes.

"blow jobs aside" the brunette said, "my names bucky, that's sam-" he points to the tall dark skinned man, "that's Natasha-" pointing to the ginger, "that's clit" he says, smiling as a short male. His head pops up and glared "its clint you asswhipe" he says "yeah same thing" nicky replied. "That's us, who are you?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, my name is Peter" peter said smiling. "Oh God another peter" Natasha said rolling her head back with a groan. "Hey quill is cool with me Tasha" Bucky said. ' _ Who's quill?' _

"Anywho he needs the office buck" sam said, looking almost tired. " alrighty kid, well if you take that hall right there-" he points of it down a hall with many students, most at their lockers, "and at the end you'll see a hall to your left, go down then straight, you'll find it down there. You can't miss it." Bucky finished as many students began to rush to classes.

"It was nice meeting you kid" natasha said with a small smile, then they were all off, leaving Peter to try and remember the way.

○●○●○

  
  


The walk to school wasn't long per say, but it sure as hell ain't short. Not to mention he hasn't been in this town since he was 5.

He wasn't angry or sad to get away from everywhere else he had been, he was quite happy actually. It's hard to get away from memories. Of course he remembers all the arguments his father and mother would go through, and when they divorced he wasn't surprised.

His father took him away when he was 5, no more stories before bed or loving kisses.

Just him and his father.

This isn't what he should think about on his way to school.

○●○●○●

Walking through the office peter found he wasn't alone, there sat a male with raven balck hair, he was thin and pale enough that if Peter was to place his hand on him he would look almost skin burned. 

He wore an oversized green turtleneck, and some black skinny Jeans, unlike the 'grunge god' he wore heeled boots,and his hair wasn't nearly as long, but not too short either.

When the door shut behind him the other male in the room jumped a little and turned. "Well you are certainly not the principal." He smiles.

"Oh,uhm, sorry, I'm peter" he stumbled. Quickly to take a seat next to him. "So what… what are you doing in the office?" Peter asked, "new." The other male said unamused.

"Oh woah me too!" Peter said waiting for a reply.

Then it got awkward.

They sat in silence for at least 5 minutes before peter said, "so what's your name?" The other male did not move just answered with a small, "Loki." 

"Weird name I like it." Peter replied instantly. "Well most people wouldn't enjoy others calling their name weird." Loki said, a playful smile on his face.

"So Peter, where are you from?" Loki asked, still turned to the window. "Oh well, I moved here from Queens" he said big smile on his face.

Loki turned, green eyes and thin lips, peter blocked out the thoughts in his head as Loki spoke up. "Well apparently he has other things to do." He pulls out his phone, looking for a certain something. Peter could feel the other didn't want to continue. So he turned and pulled out his phone as well.

It took some time to finally hear the door click shut. 

"Well well."

Both turn, Peter throwing him phone into his bag while Loki kept his out. Not a care in the world. Fury, the. Schools principal, stood right behind them.

"Put the phone away before I take it" he said sharply.

"Hey your the one who made us wait here for like 30 minutes" Loki said slightly annoyed as he placed his phone into his satchel.

"Your lucky your new" Fury said. Peter could scenes Loki wanted to fire something bad back, so quickly he nudged his foot hard enough for him to notice.

"Good, now who's who?" He asked. Loki looked annoyed again "I'm Loki Laufeyson." "I'm Peter Parker sir" loki rolled his eyes.

"Well, you both will be shown around by peggy. she our head of student council." He said, blank faced. "Your schedule is at the front desk, your locker keys with them" then he pointed to the door.

Loki shrugged getting up and walking out, peter gave an apologetic look, fury still gave him nothing, no reaction. He can tell this is going to be fun.

Loki had already had his schedule in hand and the key around his keychain, which held many keys.

"Hey Peter, we have some classes together." He said smirking and handing Peter's schedule to him. "Where's my key?" He asked, "Still on the front desk, sorry. _was the invasive?"_ He muttered the last part.

"You boys new?"the woman at the front office asked. "Oh yeah we are!" Peter said giving a smile. Loki still rolled his eyes laughing lightly to himself. "Well I'm ms. Hill, and if you need anything feel free to come by."she says then turns. Just as a short girl walks in. Curly brown hair down to her shoulders, looking like a traditional student.

"Uhm, Loki and Peter?" She asked light smile and peter nods. Loki still looking dazed and confused, or just dead. Yeah that's a better way to describe it.

"Well I'm Peggy, I'll be showing you around. Can I have your schedules?" She asked loki handing g his over fast, as peter calmly passed it to her.

○●○●○●○●

  
  


"Come on man!" Tony says, hes wanted to throw a party for forever. And so what if it's at Thors. He has a big house. Big enough.

"My father and mother aren't gone yet tony." Thor said sounding more desperate to find an excuse. "When do they leave?" Steve asked.

"Next week" Thor replied, Tony already had the ' _oh fuck yeah this could work'_ face.

"Well then We throw it next Friday. Literally best time too, gives us time, and the whole week to prepare, and after were on break." 

Thor pauses for some time thinking it through. Then he sighs. "Fine but we only invite kids who won't cause a mess"

"You got it all mighty one" Tony says smiling. Steve rolls his eyes then says, "so should we come over Monday and talk about invites?" "Hell yeah capsicle"

Bruce approaches the small cafeteria table. Finally arriving, he sat and took out a small bag of chips and asks, "what did I miss?" 

"Partys on."

○●○●○●○

Sam sat against the wall as Bucky flirted with some random kid he didn't care about, Nat and Clint weren't skipping with them. And Buck found himself right beside Peter Quill.

No Sam isn't jealous, and it's not like Bucky isn't just naturally a flirt. Its Quill.

Now Sam felt weird shit around Quill. They never got along, and quite honestly hes become a lot more protective of Buck, ever since last year and all the stuff that happened with him. He dosent know the whole story, But he still feels slightly guilty for thinking Bucky was a bad kid for the whole year.

Bucky smiled big at Quill and waved bye as he walked off, as he turned the smile grew to more of a frown, his eyes began to roll as he walked over next to sam. Pulling out a small container of pills he popped one in.

"Prescribed?" Sam asked eyeing him worried. "Yeah, for when I get angry" he sighed then continued, "he brought up some old shit, and I said I dont do it anymore but he then asked for girl advice, cause apparently everyone thinks I'm a feminist or something. But like I'm not saying that's bad, the idea if feminism is okay it's just people who hold woman above men is stupid." He sighed his face slightly flushed, "but then he admitted to having a crush on this girl he knew would never like him back and asked me how to flirt and be a fuckboi cause I dated one I'd know" then he felt that anger. Sam doesn't see it often.

"Calm down James, it's not your fault if that's what he tried to say" he placed a hand on his shoulder, causing Bucky to take a deep breath. "I don't think he was trying to say that it just…. When people bring up last year and the arm and all that stuff I start getting overly emotional or aggressive." Sam looked apologetically at him, opening his arms for the other male. Which Bucky appreciated, hugging sam close and taking deep breaths as sam rubbed circles on his back.


	3. Day 2

Peter would normally wake up as early as possible, get dressed, and take the bus. but this morning he woke up late, his Aunt freaking out. He got to school during is third class, science.

He walked in, feeling many eyes on him as he walked to an empty seat next to some other short kid he could care less about.

You see, he didn't fall asleep till 3. Which for peter means he wont wake up till 1 in the afternoon. He never got how kids went through the day on little to no sleep

The kid next to him waved his hand In Front of Peter's eyes, to which Peter was slightly annoyed by. "Kiddo, we gotta work together" the other male said.

The other sighed."My names tony, I'm your Lab partner?" Peter nods. "My names peter." Tony just smiled and got to work, peter on occasion correcting him when he does something stupid that could cause a fire.

Eventually with Peter's help, they finish the lab, and bef6class was over. So Peter decided to take a small rest, laying his head down he tried to get some sleep. Tony wasn't having it.

"So new kid, why are you in advanced science?" Peter could tell if he ignored the other it wouldn't work. So he just sat up and said, "the same as everyone else"

"Well any clubs? Friends? Who have you talked to?" Tony asked. "No I'm not in any clubs and I don't think I'll join any." He said in response.

"Well if it's a no to the other questions, come sit with the idiots I call friends" peter smiled lightly and said "yeah. I might just take up your offer"

○●○●○●

  
  


"Look guys all I asked for was some fucking chicken and this bitch got me a fucking salad" Clint yells, Natasha giveing him one of the most disappointed looks she could muster. "I'd be lucky if I could eat anything with a date. I hate dates, and dating, and well just having a partner." Sam said, being only half serious.

"See sam, this is why you should just let me be your bitch" Bucky said smiling, that got Natasha glaring. "Bucky your stupid." Clint said, "why are all my friends so stupid" Natash muttered.

"Quills such an ass, look at the straight white male."Bucky said. "Hey I can also go under that description!" Clint argue. "What made you so angry at him this time?" Natasha asked. "Did he fuck some girl in the bathrooms?" Clint asked. "Have you seen the way he's been looking at Gamora lately, makes me uncomfortable." He continues.

"No he asked bucky for advice cause hes a gay white male, who enjoys taking it from beh-" "SAMUEL!" Bucky interrupts. "Jesus. Don't say shit like that. You know I didn't let random people do that." Bucky continued.

"Would you let sam" Clint smirked, Natasha rolled her eyes as she stood. "I'm gonna get more fries, anyone want anything?"

"Another coke sweetheart!" Clint said, as sam shrugged and bucky was busy whisper shouting at sam.

  
  
  


Natasha noticed she was waved to the table of big strong men, or as some call them the avengers. In 6th and 7th they stood up for people, then they started to make fun of people. At least Tony did. That's why Nat and clint left. And how they met Bucky.

She rolled her eyes and flipped tony off as she walked past. Steve frowns, and gets up to talk instead, following her to the vending machines.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to a party next Friday?" Steve asked rubbing the back of his neck. "If you're asking me on a date, no steve. You know I don't like you, and I've had my eyes on someone else." "Woah no, Tony told me to invite you, but uhmm…"he paused getting more awkward. "The rest if your group isn't invited." Natasha glares.

"So your not gonna let sam come because he's closer to Bucky now, and Clint because he's sick if tony making fun of his disabilities!" Her voice was growing louder attracting people's attention, Bucky standing quickly just to be pulled down by sam.

Natasha grabbed Steve by his ear and yanked him down the hall. As she dragged him she pulled her phone out shooting a text to the group chat, Saying she'd be back soon.

As she stopped she turns to a terrified Steve. "Listen Nat, Thor just dosent want his house to be a mess, or like anyone to have sex in his parent roo-" "OH! So Buckys still the school slut in Tony's eyes! Jesus what does he have agents the boy!" She yells "he did nothing other than suck a few dicks, who knows maybe he sucked tony's while you were together!" Steve got defensive "Nat I know nothing about Bucky, but Tony wouldn't cheat!" "Then You obviously don't know Tony, you didn't even know he cheated on pepper with you! Thank god pepper is so sweet, she has so much shit on him!" Steve started, confused. "What..?" "Yeah steven, Tony was with pepper and lied to YOU and said they broke up way before they did! Why do you think he kept you like a dirty secret and when you left he wasnt faithful at all!" Steve stopped "are you serious?" 

"Of course. Ask Bucky he will be happy to help you with any questions. He knows all about cheaters. Also all the shit tony says about Bucky. Most of it's not true. So tell him if he's gonna start talking shit about me or anyone else's backs again, not only will he deal with me, but Bucky, and the rumors are true. He dented a car just last week" the memory fresh in mind

Clint asked how hard he could punch, then punched the fuck outta a car, to be specific. Her car. Asshole.

She stepped back, taking a deep breath. "Steve if you want me to ask bucky if Tony ever said or did anything with people other than pepper I'll ask." Steve sighed "I'll ask Tony. And then your friends."he paused. "You're still invited to the party"

○●○●○●

  
  


Steve sat silently on the couch of Tony's house. Thor at the table with bruce texting people to spread the news of a party at Thors. Tony was apparently in the kitchen.

Steve took his phone out quickly and opened his messages. Nat was online. Good.

_ capsicle: _ _ hey Nat can you give me that kids number _

_ Nattythebadie: _ _ more specific please? _

_ capsicle: _ _ that bucky kid. Tony always talked about how he hates him. So there must be a reason. _

_Nattythebadie :_ _oh yeah, try not to be an ass btw, I'll know and the whole gang will beat your ass._

_capsicle :_ _jesus just give me his number._

  
  


Nat sent the number which steve put in his phone, when Tony came back in with several drinks in hand.

"What's up Steven?" Tony said smiling. no smirking. "Nothing, so who are we not inviting and why?"

"Thors given up on the 'no one who will cause problems' Cause let's face it, drunk teens always do." Tony replied, sending a smile to Thor who looked grumpy. "So everyone, except well Quill And his goons, freshmen, and the  _ sluts"  _ he made a fake gag noise after 'sluts'. "Who are the sluts?" Thor asked. Bruce rolled his eyes. "Remember Nat and Clint?" Thor nods. "Well it's them but now they hang out with some kid tony apparently doesn't enjoy and sam Wilson became good friends with, ditching Captain over there" steve looked up. "He didn't ditch me, I went off to S.H.I.E.L.D and we didn't talk and when I came back, you guys were broken up and Nat hates you" Tony rolls his eyes "Only cause of James" everyone looks at him. "I don't like him alright?"

"Why not?" Steve asked, Tony shooting him a glare "James Barnes is a Psychopath and attempted murder Steve, you weren't here." Bruce looked up "Tony those are rumors. He would be in jail if he did. And the whole building fire was bull and you know it." Steve was so confused.

○●○●○●

  
  


After school for Loki wasn't that bad. He now had someone to talk to other than Voodoo, and that was peter.

The kid was annoyingly clingy and Loki has never experienced that in his life. His Aunt picked him up after school, and Peter asked if he needed a ride. Which he didn't. So he just politely declined, he didn't live far.

When he got home, the house was always quiet for him, he locked all the windows and doors, then refilled his Cats water and food bowl, making sure she noticed.

He started in the living room, opening the windows of the back of the house. Never the front. Then he set his speakers on high, playing his playlist, mostly of cage the Elephant, The Killers, and Weezer. And began his online shopping, his last buy was some nice balck heels, fuck genders, like really why do men not wear heals and skinny Jean's or short shorts or crop tops or shave or well anything deemed feminine.

His father was disappointed when he found loki painted his nails black and wore black clothes. images of his father flashed through his head. Quickly growing anxious, he grabbed the remote to the speakers, Turning it down.

He stood, shaking slightly as he grabbed his laptop, making his way to the kitchen, placing his laptop next to his kitty, Voodoo a beautiful pitch black cat with one bright blue eyes and the other a Dull green. When his father had discovered the cat he disapproved of her. But as Loki bought all the things needed and took good care of her without help he learned to live with her. 

He grabbed the kettle putting water into it, then slipping it onto the stovetop. As he waited, his hands clenched down on the counter.

His phone vibrates, pulling him out of his thoughts. his shaky hands grab hold only to show two missed calls from peter, a massage form peter, along with one from his step mother, and birth mother.


	4. Day 3

**_Stupid face loser squad_ **

_ Nattythebadie: _ _ Meet at clits? _

_ Bowboi: its gonna stick isnt it _

_ Fuckiebarnes: _ _ ten for me, 2 for you whore. _

_ Bowboi: _ _ fucc you _

_ Bowboi: _ _ also yee, my dads on a trip and mom loves all of you _

_ Birdboi:  _ _ anyone want a ride? _

_ Fuckiebarnes: _ _ sure sammy _

_ Nattythebadie: _ _ Lesbos _

_ Nattythebadie: _ _ also yes please. _

Bucky sighs as he puts his phone down. Deciding not to look homeless. Pulling out a plan black long sleeved and some equally as plane jeans. Same boots as before.

While in the bathroom doing his hair, he quickly tucked his newly bought supply's away. Then he sat on his bed. Waiting quietly.

○●○●○

"SAm!" Bycky yelled as sam sped through a red light, naturally Nat was just smiling. Bucky wouldn't normally care. But sam couldn't afford a new car.

"Don't worry mom we'll be fine!" Sam shot back. Nat still smiles, just now rolls her eyes along with it.

Natasha leaned forward turning up the radio, on some older Taylor Swift song that bucky only knew cause of his sister.

"So like Nat can you call clit and ask if he wants us to pick up food?" Sam asked as he made a U turn, which was terrible. 

Nat simply pulled her phone out, turning down the radio. Dialing clints phone, after a long ring he answered with a loud sigh. Nat just smirked, "Sam wanted us to ask of you wanted us to stop and get food?" Hearing Clint hesitate, he says "come pick me up, we can go out, then just drive around like idiots." Sam smiled and nodded a yes. "Who's paying?" Natasha asked "I will" they heard clint over the phone. "aw! Thanks clit!" Bucky said as he landed forward saying a small "see ya soon" and hanging up.

"Hell yeah!" Sam said excitedly, "we should go to a dine in?" Nat asked. Sam's eyes went wide as he smiled big "Ihop?!" "No" nat and bucky said.

Last time sam was at Ihop he almost suffocated on putting two full sized pancakes in his mouth. In his defense Sam was participating in a 'who van eat the most pancakes in under a minute' with clint. Who of course won by a longshot.

Sam took the last turn onto a nice neighborhood. Clint lived much more out of town than anyone wanted but the house was nice and his family was amazing. So when they pull into the driveway no shock Clint was hugging his mom saying 'we'll be back before 1 I promise' and walking to the car.

"Was she gonna cook?" Sam asked sounding slightly disappointed. The whole group loved Edith's cooking, "she was going to order us a pizza, she worked all day and her back hurt. So I insisted that she just sat back" clint said hoping in the back next to bucky. "While were out, if we can get to the Bakery before it closes I'm gonna get her some pie." Nat said smiling. "Its 11 we need to get going" bucky said.

And so they did.

"There are no diners open and I'm SAd!" Clint said, fake disappointment. "Can we just run through Wendy's or something?" Bucky asked, "but steak and shake, Ihops, waffle house!" Natasha said, "waffle house is open?" Sam said. "Ew fuck that shit!" Bucky said. "Fuck you james I want waffle house!" Nat replied, "shit house more like it, only drunk 50 year olds and shitty dates with abusive boyfriends happen there." Everything stops.

Nat mumbles a small "...Let's get Wendy's"

"fUCk YEA!" Sam yells as he speeds up.

"If sam crashes I'll pay for clints and Nats hospital bill."Bucky said wrapping and arm around clints shoulder, sam rolls his eyes.

As sam is mid turn he gets a slap on the back of the head by Natasha. And for a second Bucky thought they were going to crash.

"Sam, if you crash you won't live another day, and not because of impact."she said, Bucky giggled.

"Guys stop talking about death, I'm young I don't wanna die" clint says, bucky smirks "pussy."

  
  


They walk inside the empty Wendy's, ordering at random, they all eat off each others plates anyways.

The food was handed to them on two small trays, and they found a seat near a big window at the other side of the building. Bucky and Sam sitting next to each, eating out if the same fries, and clint hogging all the fries from Natasha on the other side of the table.

"So what's up with mister blondie you argued with yesterday?" Bucky asked, "his names Steve, and yeah Tasha what's happening?" Sam continues.

"Tony wants only me to go to Thor's party, cause You know he-" she gestures towards bucky "and we all know how he treated Clint wasn't fair and now he's pushing the blame on us," she sighed, "and what about me?" Sam asked, his arm was already draped over bucky's shoulder holding him affectionately, he looked about ready to cry. 

Nat was a good liar, but Bucky see through it easily, not to mention shed never lie to her new friends. So when she hesitated sam could already tell why, he tightened his hold on Bucky and said, "pay back time?"

"Hell yeah!"

  
  


○●○●○●○

  
  


Lokis been avoiding his phone to much, its constantly beeping,ringing,or buzzing. Hes drowned out Knocks on his door with. the loud music playing, it's only his step mom, which he doesn't even see anymore. Shes an ass honestly, the only contact hes had is with voodoo. His father obviously angered by his behavior towards his "mother".

He sat up of the bed where he had laid for the last 5 hours. He needed to get up today anyways, he meets his mother's new husband to be, and his stepbrother. God he Hopes he doesn't know him already.

His phone rings once again, he reaches out to take hold but pauses. Why is he so afraid to look.

He'll look later.

He pets voodoo once again, he purring and kneading his thigh, he smiles.

It feels weird to do that alone.

Voodoo jumps off him making her way to one off his book shelves. Jumping up to play with the items and sent the books. Allowing Loki ti stand and make his way to his window, he opens his curtains just a tad. It was nighttime.

Shit.

He already was dressed nice enough, now I'm a black long sleeve and some sweatpants. So he just leaves his room, going to the dining room, to his terror, his father sat at the head, Vennesa, his new wife sat right next to him, pretty and calm. She's always like this. Never gave a shit or showed she cared.

So Loki sat down at the other end of the table, sitting silently as his father glanced at him.

His father slowly looks up, "So, how was school?" "fine." Loki said, it's a reflex

And he knows his fathers not impressed. "Any friends, potential girlfriends?" Well Loki had to think.

Peter was his friend, but well, he wasted a good friend to Peter, he ignored his for a whole night, and treated him like a degenerate. He knows this. Knows he's been a little rude, but he didn't know was that Peter understood why.

Hes new just like Peter, and Peter was anxious just as he was, he just shows it differently.

His father would want a yes.

"No. You know how hard it is for me to create good relationships." Logical.

"Have you tried to kill anyone yet?" Vennesa asked, a death glare pointed toward him.

"I'm about to" shit he didn't mean to say that. 

"To your room. Not another word, your not to speak to me or Nessa in that way again or you will be punished." He said, calm but angry at the same time.

  
  


He rolled his eyes, his face turned directly to his father as he stood. His father gripped his fork harder.

"Room. Loki."

  
  
  


°

"I'm so sorry I didn't answer for the day, I've been sleeping." He said to Peter as he had finally called him back. 

"No it's cool, can you help me with English, I've been anxious about my paper and I know you read a lot so-" "yes peter just send it to me"

"Thank you!" Peter said sounding a little happy. "So in English, I know we have it together, but like… uh have you seen the girl I sit next to She's so pretty." Loki suppressed his gag or the small sadness that creeps up on him. "Yes. She is pretty I guess" as a Male who mainly wears women's clothes her style isn't the best but he's not one to judge.

_ Yes you are _

"So I think I'm gonna ask her on a date and if things go right, I'll get her to go to Thor's party with me!" He once again feels a need to roll his eyes.

"Peter. Women don't instantly fall for people, at least not in my experience."ah yes his old memories come to his head, strong girls on playgrounds and while traveling he's met his fair share of bad girls, and good girls of course.

"Loki, I'd like for you to come and speak with me and your mother for a moment" he sighs loud and annoyed, he forgot about peter as he yelled back "I'm not to leave my room for the night?  _ What happened to that!" _

Shit

_ Shit! _

  
  


As soon as he hears his father angrily banging at his door he remembers peter. shit  _ shit  _ **_shit!_ ** He hangs up, opening his door, feeling a swift and hard slap to his face once it opens.


	5. Day 4

Tears stained his eyes as he sat on the bathroom floor. He really doesn't know how he got here. He just is now. Bloody nose, bruised on both wrists and his neck, and a simple large bloody gash on his cheek.

His tears aren't helping him, nor is the bathroom. he slowly gets up, stumbling knocking into many things, feels as if he's going to faint again.

Damn it he Didn't even drink water tonight.

He hoisted himself on the counter, looking into his own eyes, he looked like a mess, his hair disheveled, bags under his eyes, and the blood and bruises. Of course.

He tried to walk once more, only to fall into the door fraim of his bathroom, trying his hardest to get to his bed. Voodoo looks confused at him, his eyes big with worry.

He pushed himself off the door, stumbling over his feel and falling to the ground, not able to brace himself, he bangs his face into the hard ground. 

  
  


Voodoo tried to nudge him, but his eyes were closed, he exhaled. His arms felt of pins and needles and his legs of jello, the pounding in his head just getting worse.

So he lets himself pass. Just to treat in the cold ground.

  
  


°

He woke to loud banging on his bedroom door, dried blood, hurt, and his cat rubbing herself up against his side. His hands felt wet, voodoo probably cleaned him, he tried to sit up. Pain strikes up his back, he groans as he hears his father yell through the door.

  
  


"Don't forget your mother's coming to get you to meet her soon to be husband and your step siblings!" 

Of course.

His phone vibrates again and again. As he slowly got up, he tripped over himself, the blood on the floor can wait. He makes his way to his bed grabbing his phone, 18 missed class from Peter, 29 messages. Jesus kids clingy. Or did he hear the argument. Loki really couldn't remember. 

He grabs one of his smaller speakers and stumbles into the bathroom, turning it on as he turned the faucet, deciding to take a bath he pushed the drain. As the water ran he began his playlist and undressed. Avoiding the mirror at all costs.

He turns the water off, steaming hot, good. He kept the bathroom door cracked, the door to the hallway is always locked, the guest and main bedrooms have personalized bathrooms so there's no need to keep it open. Downstairs has 2 bathrooms, and the basement has 1. So there are plenty of others.

Voodoo snuck her way in, jumping onto the rim of the tub, Loki finally sinking his way in, laying his head back as the water helped his muscles relax and ease his pain in many places.

By the end of his bath water was tainted with a slight red with fresh blood, along with chips of dried blood.

He dressed himself in a dark green sweater, some black leggings, and some heels, there was no hiding the bruises, unless he used makeup and his father would see him off, so that wasn't an option.

His mother had texted him while he bathed, saying he would be staying late, though its a school night, he also looked at peters text.

They were all voicing concerns for him. Hearing yelling before Loki suddenly left. He knows. Shit.

He decides it's best to avoid him.

Yes that's definitely the best plan.

°

He packed a small side bag, his father disapproved of him owning purses and heels and makeup and like anything. But that never stopped him.

He put his small travel makeup kit in, the one he uses when he's forced to go anywhere with his father.

He scratched Voodoo behind her ears and drifted down her back, sad to leave her. she just purrs, making her way up to his pillows, laying down with a content plop.

His heels clicked as he made his way down the hardwood floor, his father glared, he walked out the front door, saying a small 'see you later' and sitting on his porch, his mother said she was close.

A convertible drive up, revealing no one other than his mother, she didn't look all to different from when he last saw her. shocking actually, being about 10 years now he can't believe he recognized her.

He walked up, opening the car door and slipping in, she stared. Concern in her eyes, not looking away till she knows he's not gonna start the conversation.

"Darling…" she paused. Not knowing where to start. "I'm so sorry, I hope you know I fought for custody for as long as I could." Loki still didn't look at her. But felt the sympathy.

"I know I haven't talked to you in person for some time, but please understand your Father wouldn't tell me where I could find you." She said, voice cracking, Loki finally looked seeing jus mother had tears in her eyes. "You know I've been all over the place. I might leave here soon again" He said lightly, reaching for her hand.

"What did he do to you? My sweet boy?"she asked, grabbing his face in both hands, currently at a stop light. 

A loud honk made him and his mother jump as she retracted her hands, driving again. "I'll tell you later mother."

  
  


°

  
  


"Okay so, you'll be the youngest out of your new siblings, they're both sweet I promise" his mother reassured, walking to the door to a large house, not over the top like his father, it felt oddly homey.

As she walked in she looked around, spotting an older woman sitting on the small couch, she had her knees up near her chest and she played on her phone "Hel, come say hello." And so she slowly unfolded her limbs and med her way over.

  
  


"I'm Hela."she sounded raspy and bored, looking oddly similar to himself. She had long balck hair, she wrapped herself in an oversized black hoodie and some sweatpants. 

"Where's your brother off too?"

"With his stupid friends, apparently they're more important than family." She said, then muttered a small "and I agree"

Then the door opens, someone running into Loki from behind, Almost knocking him over.

"Oh crap am I late?" The male asked.

Oh God, that voice is familiar?

He turned, revealing none other than Thor, this kid in his English class. he sits near Peter. and hes incredibly stupid.

"Thor" Loki said aloud, Thor looks down, a small smile forms. "Wait aren't you the kid that Peter asks to do his assignment?" Thor asked.

"Yes? But I just edit for him?" Loki said lightly. "Well it's nice you two know each other, Thor this is your younger brother!" His mother smiles, Hela and Loki giggled lightly as Thor's face morphs into confusion.

Thor blinks, then says, "wait that was today?"

Loki and Hela Lose it. Laughing like idiots.

  
  
  


°

  
  


Loki stood in the kitchen, Hella at the island, and Thor on the counter of the island. Loki was currently chopping veggies for his mother.

"So what happened to your face?" Hela asked, Loki winces, "Hela that's not nice!" Thor says. "But yeah what happened, you didn't look like that on Friday?" 

"Just being stupid and clumsy." Easy lie. Hela rolls her eyes, but believes him enough. Thor questions.

  
  


"So what's your father like?" Loki asks.

"an ass" Hela says. Sounding board.

"amazing!" Thor said smiling.

Two very different answers.

  
  


"Alright, Hel, Thor, I want to talk with loki."

They nod and leave, she looks back at loki concern back in her eyes. "Stop chopping and sit, I want you to tell me everything." She says. He slowly paces the knife down. The memory of being locked in a small room, 

When he looked at his hand they were shaking, tears down his face.

"Sweetheart, look at me," she said, grabbing his face with both hands, trying to ground him from his panic.

"I was angry after you left" he said softly, reaching his hands up shakingly, placing them over top hers.

"I remember you taking the beatings, and him giving them, I wanted to hurt someone like him. Thinking it would help me calm down like him" Loki's voice was slowly breaking, becoming more quiet as be continued "So I did. I hurt a lot of people, not physically but mentally. Dad started to take his anger out on me after the trials…"he leaned his head down years of hurt coming up, tears spilling over his cheeks and to the table top. "When I was 6…"he sobbed. Trying bus hardest to continue. But he just couldn't. He started to hyperventilate, tears spilling faster and faster, his vision becoming hazy and black filling the corners.

He fell out of his chair, the ground coming close after.

_ Don't look at me _

Hela and Thor, looking confused rushed in at the sound, Panic filled Thor's face as he yelled something Loki couldn't hear.

_ Don't look at me _

His vision continued to get worse, he needed to be alone. No one can see him this vulnerable.

  
  


_ Please dont look at me _

  
  


Thor fell forwards, sitting relatively close, asking Frigga and Hela to step back a little, he remembers helping Tony through one once. 

  
  


He slowly said a small "Loki can you look at me." Loki didn't move but was now clutching his chest, he clearly was in pain.

"It is going to be okay, please look at me"

_ "..Please...do- don't look a-at me. Plea-"  _ he was cut if by his breath intake, he began to hyperventilate once again, his hands shooting to the floor as he tried to steady himself.

"Loki may I touch you?" Thor asked softly.

  
  


_ "G-get-....get aw- away...fro-om me"  _

Thor sighed, bringing his hands slowly to rest on Loki's hand, which were currently on the floor being clenched so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

"Can you breathe with me?" He asked, Loki still was shaking terribly. Hardly able to voice any thoughts. 

_ Get away from me. I don't wanna hurt you please get away before I hurt anyone again. I didn't mean to I'm so sorry, please don't be angry _

"I want you to try and take a deep breath with me, 8 seconds okay?" He asked, Loki attempts to take said breath, breaking at 3 and hyperventilating once more.

"Let's try again okay?" Thor said softly, slowly taking one hand away from lokis. Bringing it to his cheek. He didn't force him to look up but just rested his there, allowing Himself to demonstrate his breathing.

Loki tried again, he failed a few more times, still shaking but trying, then he looked up and then scooted closer. Placing both hands on Loki's cheeks, wiping his tears as Loki tried to breath.

"Good job, now do this a couple more times for me, then I can drive you home" Thor said softly. Smiling at him.

  
  


°

  
  


"I'm so sorry for my behavior mother. It won't happen again." Loki was looking to the floor. Embarrassed by his emotions. His mother's first impression is that he's a whiny cry baby. Great.

"Dear are you sure you don't want to stay, or Thor can stay with you for the night? Anything you ask we can provide" frigga said smiling.

"Can Thor drive me home. I wish to speak with him." 

°

  
  


"I'm terribly sorry for you seeing me like that" Loki said softly. "It won't happen aga-" "Loki." Thor cut in "I don't want you to hide your emotions from me or my- our mother."he paused thinking.

"I wanna start driving you home. I know you walk" loki could practically see the smoke coming out of his ears. "And if you ever have an attack like the one at the house, or just anything is bothering you anywhere I want you to call me." He stopped, pulling onto the side of the road. Looking over to loki who sat quietly. Looking down at clenched fists.

"Thor I'm not a kid anymor-" "I'm worried. So is mother, so I'm being a responsible older brother. Your not a kid. And you can say no to any of this or ask for more-" "drive me too school too?" Loki sighed. Knowing this is the stupidest idea ever.

But He is stupid.

And so what if Thors just a little more stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to say for the time being my update schedule will be off slightly, I will still try to update weekly but school is starting here soon and my attention needs to be on that.  
> Thank you for your patience.

**Author's Note:**

> Please know that as I am revamping the story I will also be trying my hardest to remember to add a trigger warning at the beginning and a summary near the end. Thank you for reading this fic and I hope you get atleats a little enjoyment.


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